“OK, everybody–please put your hands in meditation position,” I said, while sitting cross-legged on top of my desk. My students–in class for ESL reading, not meditation–were sitting normally, looking at me like I was crazy. But they soon joined in. And I was glad. Many were teenagers, some were in their 20s and 30s, and the class was fun, but rowdy. Grounding them (and myself) was crucial.
“Ommmm,” I chanted. Most of them did, too. We laughed. Then, we said ‘om’ again, two more times, but with a twist. We held if for a very long time, then finished it off with ‘jed.’ “AaaaammmmmJed!”
What the heck were we doing? Meditating on the name of one of the students. Amjed, a young man from Jordan. And the entire class loved it and laughed hysterically–especially him.
This quirky beginning-of-class ritual lasted for the entire semester. When I had Amjed in advanced reading a year later, we shared the meditation with the class. We meditated on the other students’ names, too, and laughter filled the room once again.
No matter what, though, Amjed’s name worked best because of that first syllable–identical to the universal ‘om’ sound. Whenever I saw him in the hallway, I’d call him ‘Aaaammmjed’ and we’d break out in laughter. The joke never got old…
***
Becoming Friends
The first time I met Amjed, I said ‘merhaba‘–hello–in Arabic. He smiled. I then said, ‘keyfook‘–how are you–and his face lit up. When I told him I’d been to Jordan, he was thrilled. We connected right away, having lots to talk about in class and outside of it.
After he completed the ESL program at the college–Passaic County Community College in Paterson, NJ–we became friends. He visited my office and we friended each other on Facebook and chatted a lot. As friends do, we confided in each other and sometimes asked for advice. At times, when it seemed right, I corrected his English. He also helped me with the little Arabic I know.
Learning About His Death
I recently learned (from another friend/former student, Sadam) that his short life came to a tragic end in mid-August. He’d been picnicking with family and friends at the Delaware River and at some point, went swimming. I’m not sure exactly what happened, but it sounds like he got tired and lost control, and the current pulled him away. His body was found several days later by someone fishing.
I was overwhelmed with sadness upon hearing the news and cried for several days. I could barely sleep or teach my classes. I kept picturing his face in his mind, hearing his laughter and his sweet accent, and remembering the way he called me ‘Professor’ in person, but ‘PROF’ on Facebook. I kept thinking about the all of the things we’d talked about, including the future he’d planned for himself, and about our final few messages on Facebook, just a few days before he died.
How Facebook Helped
I wasn’t sure what to do with my feelings. I spoke to Sadam a few times and to other teachers who knew Amjed. This helped to a certain extent. I then turned to my second Facebook account, one I set up for students and teachers.
Posting Photos and Sharing Feelings
I posted about Amjed’s passing, sure that some of my former students had been in his classes. And sure enough, they had. Some already knew about his death; several did not (since he died over the summer).
Everybody wanted to see his photo–to remember him–and fortunately, I found one from the day when our class went to Dunkin’ Donuts about 2 years ago. It was a fun experience that made the class (and me) happy. The rule was ‘English Only!’ Some broke it, but most followed it. 🙂
So, using my Facebook wall, we got our feelings out about what had happened and consoled each other. I know it’s not the same as seeing people and surviving family members in person or attending a funeral, but it’s better than nothing. It helped me and some others. (Also, I heard that his parents returned to Jordan, so reaching out to them was not possible.)
Re-Reading Messages/Reliving the Friendship
But just talking about Amjed wasn’t quite enough. I needed to go back in time–to relieve our friendship. I went in to my messages on Facebook, where there is now just a ghosted image of Amjed and the words ‘Facebook User,’ and re-read all 1537 of of our messages. It was painful, but worth it. I cried hard almost the entire time, but I also laughed about some of what we talked about.
Message #1 was in Arabic script.
My response…’Ammmjeeddd…’
We both laughed. Yes, we used the silly LOL. I then tried to read that word in Arabic by separating the letters. I made a mistake, then caught on. He helped.
It was ‘merhaba.’ Just like we’d said when we first met. ‘Hi.’
In very little time, via these chats, we became friends. We talked about life, school, relationships, family, religion, homework, etc. Although he’d been my student, I think he became a teacher to me in certain ways. I learned a lot from him.
Feeling a Sense of Appreciation
Looking back at those messages, I now feel a sense of appreciation to him now. Here are some of the sweet things he did.
–He helped me get gas when it was being rationed after Hurricane Sandy
–He always offered to get me things from Jordan–my favorite spice blend, za’atar, for example
–He taught me about phonetic Arabic and how the numbers 3 and 7 represent certain sounds
He was also like a protective little brother or nephew, looking out for my best interest. I did my best to do the same for him. He liked to call me PROF (yes, he used all caps). I once told him he could call me Lisa since he was finished with ESL.
He said no, following it with: “No problem PROF, you are my friend before you are my PROF.‘
He also taught me how to say, “You’re my friend” in Arabic. Enta sabhe (masculine form). I’m glad I was able to say this to him.
The Poem: Don’t Stand at My Grave and Weep
A week after I learned about Amjed’s death, I told my downstairs neighbor about how sad I felt. A few hours later, she gave me a newspaper clipping that had been on her fridge–of a poem that once appeared in the ‘Dear Abby’ newspaper advice column. Mary Elizabeth Frye, the poet, was a housewife and florist. She wrote the poem on a brown paper shopping bag in 1932.
As soon as I read it, I felt better. It resonated with me and provided some comfort. It’s a rather well-known poem, so chances are you’ve seen it. If not, here it is:
Don’t Stand at My Grave and Weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
–Mary Elizabeth Frye
Saying Goodbye…Ma al salama…and Om
Amjed and I said hello–merhaba–many times. But we never got to say goodbye–ma al salama.
I’m sad that he’s gone. He was too young and his death was senseless. He had a long life ahead of him.
I hope that his parents read this and know that he was a terrific student who always helped others. He was respectful to his classmates and teachers, too. I was so happy to have him in class–twice. I considered myself lucky! Also, he had many friends who adored him. His parents should be proud of him; they obviously did a great job raising him.
I almost want to say goodbye to Amjed, but at the same time, I feel that it’s best to keep his memory alive. Maybe, as the poem suggests, he’s still here somehow. Perhaps I will see or feel his presence in other ways–maybe in nature and maybe in other students’ smiles.
And I will, if/when it feels right, continue to meditate on Amjed’s name with my new students–and tell his story–and meditate on their names, too. I have no doubt they will smile. And maybe he will, too, wherever he is.
Ommm….Ammmjjjjeeed….Ommm…. 🙂 You’ll always be in my–and others’–thoughts. May you rest in peace. Salaam.
Your Thoughts/Experiences?
How you ever lost someone you cared about (a student, friend or family member), who was young, in an unexpected/senseless death? If so, how did you cope and what advice do you have to anyone who suffered a recent loss? Did technology play a role in it? If not, what did you find helped the most?
My thoughts are that you’re generous and thoughtful.
This is a wonderful tribute and it’s touching that you get so close to your students. I have no doubt that you made a positive difference in his life. *hug*
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Thank you, Maria. I think he made a positive difference in my life, too.
I remember that I was selling chocolates for my daughter’s school and Amjed was the ONLY one of my (20) classmates who pulled one dollar from his jeans pockets to buy one. He was a really sweet boy, I will never forget his smile.
Hi, Iliana. I’m not surprised to hear this. He really had a generous spirit. Thanks for sharing for your story. Glad you were in that class with Amjed; it was a special one!
Hey Lisa, I’ve seen u post a lot on fb about your student and so I decided to read this. Although I never met him, I can tell from your words that he really was a very good person…may he rest in peace. I am sure he will always be around the people who he loved and loved him back, and u will b one of them. Lisa, I was in your classes too and I really got to appreciate you so much. Although all my classmates complained about the homework, I always enjoyed it because I knew you did it for us to learn more and better. Thank you for always being humble, friendly, thoughtful and sweet with your students and friends 🙂 I keep you in my heart always 🙂 Regards, Gabby Paz.
Thanks for writing, Gabby. I have a feeling that if you’d met Amjed, you would have gotten along well. He was similar to you in many ways–like a ray of sunshine in the classroom–someone who was always full of positive energy.
Thank you for being you–an awesome student and person. I’m happy you were in my class and that we’re friends now!
PS: Funny about the homework. I do remember you actually enjoying it. And as you know, I like that a lot. 🙂
I was deeply saddened to hear of the tragic passing of Amjad this summer. I didn’t want to look at his picture on Facebook because I was in complete disbelief. I remember vividly his first day in my ESL class. It was also his first day at the college. He sat quietly in back of the room. He seemed shy, but there was something about Amjad that made him special. Perhaps it was his smile. Soon he made many friends. He was such a kind, gentle soul. He would do anything to help anyone in class. He always stopped by my office to say hello and talk.
I learned a lot from Amjad; he taught me some Arabic words and we talked about Jordan, his faith, his future plans and his family. He loved his family. His eyes sparkled when he talked about his mom and dad. I am glad I told him so many times how proud of him his parents must be. I was blessed for having the opportunity to meet and spend these special moments with him.
Last Spring semester his brother Murad was also a student in my Writing class. He reminded me so much of Amjad. I told Murad how special his brother was. He agreed. I could see in his face how much they loved each other.
In Memory
Those we Love remain with us,
for Love itself lives on.
Cherished memories never fade,
because a loved one is gone.
Those we Love can never be,
more than a thought apart.
For as long as there is a memory,
they’ll live on in our heart.
~Author Unknown
RIP Amjad. You will always be in my heart and your memory will live on.
Mrs. Rodriguez ESL Professor
Passaic County Community College
Thanks for the beautiful words, Candi. I’m so glad that you saw in Amjed what I did. He was definitely kind and gentle. Like you, I remember him helping others. Definitely a special student. I’m glad you told him that his parents must be proud of him. I’m sure that made him happy. And you learned some words in Arabic? Very nice. Now we can speak to each other. I’m sure that would put a smile on Amjed’s face, knowing that two of his professors can speak a little of his language.
I haven’t met his brother Murad. I do remember Amjad talking about him, asking advice when he first start taking classes with us. I could feel his love for him, too. I wonder if he’s still in the area and still at the college.
Thanks for sharing that poem. I think it says what we’re feeling so perfectly… No matter what, his memory will live on.
This is a beautiful tribute to your friend, Lisa. Thank you for sharing it with us. This is how we all live on after we die–through memories and stories of those we were close to. The thing that strikes me too, as I look a the photo of your ESL class is what a rewarding job you have. You’re making a difference in all their lives, and I see that in their faces.
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Thanks for reading this, Gray–and for the kind words. I think that many of the students make a difference in my life, too–Amjed, for example. Meanwhile, I agree with you that we live on through memories and stories of those we were close to. I’m glad I told this particular story for that reason.
What I remember most about Amjed was his sweet and humble demeanor. He used to come by my office just to say hi and visit for a bit. I will miss him! He left us way too soon. May his positive attitude and love of life be an example for all of us. Rest in peace my friend!!!
Thanks for sharing, Bob. He was definitely sweet and humble; I agree, and a good example for all of us. Thank you.
It is very sad thinking that someone like Amjed, is not be with us any more. I remember him a lot. He always asked me about the homework for the next class. Life does not really belong to us. It is of God. Just he knows the moment and time that we have to leave this temporary life. My friend, wherever you are, God bless you. “DIOS TE BENDIGA DONDE QUIERA QUE ESTES MY AMIGO.”
Sincerely, Oscar Bravo
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Oscar. I’m happy that you were my advanced reading class with Amjed; it means you were lucky enough to have the chance to know him. Remember our jokes about Banana King and our little trip to Dunkin’ Donuts? We had a lot of fun. And Amjed always laughed with us.
Like you I will never forget him.
That is a sad story. That is never easy and I hope sharing this helped
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Thanks, Karl. It is sad and it hasn’t been easy, but the sharing has definitely helped. Can’t believe it, but I just found a video of the first class of mine that Amjed was in and sure enough, we’re doing the ‘meditation’ in it. Although it made me sad to see it, it also made me happy somehow.
This is so sad.
A death of a loved one is so hard, especially when you are far away from them.
My grandma died recently and because of travelling I was unable to go to her funeral. It was tough but I know she would’ve wanted me to travel.
It’s great that Facebook helped you to heal.
I hope you feel better soon.
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Hi, Carmen. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your experience. I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. That is sad. But I understand what you’re saying, too, about what she would have wanted. It definitely takes time to cope and heal. I wish you the best and thank you for writing.
Allah yer7amak ya amjad 🙁
Amen ya rab.
peace of Allah be upon you
At the beginning, my family and I would like to thank you for writing this article. we also want to thank you for your emotion, affection and respect. We also thank all those who participated in expressing their opinions in this article , whether they are Amjads colleagues or friends .
Certainly we as parents, brothers and sisters are very proud and thankful that Allah gives us Amjad. We all loved him because he was kindhearted, he respected others and he had the passion for helping others .I would like to tell you that he was loving his friends and respected his teachers. We pleased that there are people, friends and teachers loving him . And certainly still feelings of sadness at his death but we believe that Amjad now live a better life than this life. And this is what we do to overcome the sorrows which continue from praying him until now,we remember him at any occasion , whether sad or happy occasions.
I also wanted to notify you that my father and mother are present in the United States if you like to visit them or talk to them .
We thank Allah that gave Amjad (may Allal bless his soul) friends and professors like you remember him . And as his sister, I want to provide any kind of help to teach you about Arabic language or any help for his friends, sure if I can, in order to keep the memory of Amjad exist among you. And I am honored that I could communicate with you either on Facebook or on email.
Dina M Hassan
It’s a pleasure and honor to meet you, Dina–even if it’s just online. I’m very happy that you and your family read the article (I was hoping you would somehow) and I thank you for writing. We (his friends and teachers) really did love him. He was sweet, respectful, helpful and a joy to be around. I’m very happy I had him as student. He was one in a million–very special.
It saddens me to think of the painful moments your family has experienced, but I’m happy to know you have each other and Islam to help you cope. I would like to meet your parents sometime. Maybe another teacher and I can visit them. I’m now friends with Murad and Rami on Facebook. I’m sure I’ll see Murad at school soon, too.
Thank you so much for your offer to help me with Arabic. I really appreciate that. Maybe someday, if I return to Jordan (I was there a few years ago), I’ll meet you.
Take care of yourself.
Lisa
PS: You did very well with your English; I’m impressed! 🙂
peace of Allah be upon you ,
it is a sad story , Amjad was a respected student , i took with Amjad 004 reading, i still remember him .I hope Amjad is going to be in paradise , incha allah.
Shookran, Rachid. You are so right about people respecting Amjad. He was so sweet, so kind and always helpful. I’m happy you were in my class along with Amjad. It was one of the best classes I’ve taught at PCCC–a very special one–and I feel lucky to have had you both in it. Take care.
Really sorry to hear about that situation. Hope you’re doing okay.
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Thanks, Jackie. It’s been a while now, and many students and I have chatted about him. So at this point, it’s much easier. It’s only when I look at a photo and think back to the ‘meditation’ that we did that I feel sad.